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The Dairies of the Chronically Ill

Do you want to know what the hardest part about being chronically ill is to me? It's not the migraines, the fatigue, or the constant pain. It's that growing up, nobody believed me.   When I would come home from school everyday with a migraine and go right to bed, when I was constantly getting sick, or how I struggled with daily tasks because I was in so much pain. Growing up, I learned to make sacrifices. Not going to my brothers football games because the noise would send me into a flare. Not having enough energy to go to family events and socialize. My friends, my family. They thought that I was difficult. That I wasn't making an effort. That I was lazy and useless and making it all up. And while that hurt like hell, I think the hardest part is that they still have that perception of me. Even with the diagnoses, I still don't get invited to events. I don't get added to the group chats. I don't have a community. I didn't ask for this, any of this. I find so...

Invisible

As a child I always wanted  to be invisible Wouldn't that be cool? If no one could see me Then I couldn't act a fool No one could laugh No one could hurt me Being invisible Would be the perfect life for me I could stay out of sight And be happy for once I could live my life How I always thought I should Maybe it is not much of a life at all But it happens to be something I want Because what I am living I would hardly call a life I get through everyday Just waiting for the next But I should enjoy the day Not struggle through it I should feel comfortable in my own skin And love who I am But I can not do that When I feel judgement all around

Broken Promises

There was once a girl Who made a promise she could not keep She tried so hard But she became so weak She promised him her love Now and forever They wanted to have children Though they never She was in and out of the hospital Time and time again She was told to say her goodbyes Because she was near the end  How could she tell the truth About the fate she has come to meet How could she break a promise That she always intended to keep "My dearest love, How do I tell you... I could not keep the promise But know that my love was true."

Desperate Measures

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There was once a time In which a child was stuck He had to make a choice That was just his luck He did not know what to do He was trapped within his mind There was an answer awaiting That he just had to find Most of the time He struggled with the thought Was it worth it Or was it not He took desperate measures Always trying to please So that one day His mind might be at ease As the years passed The child became weak But through his darkest hours He remained on his feet Mountain after mountain Sea after Sea The beautiful child discovered What it takes to be "me" ~Taylor Josephine

Trust me

The only time in my life in which I had to convince someone of something has been me having to convince myself that I am not a lost cause. People make mistakes and I have made my fair share, but that does not mean that I am less of a person. It is a constant battle trying to convince someone that they are not worthless. It is not a quick fix, or an over night event. It takes years and years to restore the amount of confidence that was once there. This is something that I have personally come to face. Everyday I try to convince my self that I am still worth the fight. It takes consistency not to relapse and fall back into old patterns. Somedays are harder than others, but in the end I know that I am worth it. I am quite the persuader.

My High School Battle Battle Field

    It has become apparent throughout my high school years that I struggle with quite a bit academically. Not only have I found it rather difficult to find classes that interest me, but I have also found many classes to be challenging for me. Whether it is not being able to comprehend the material or the pace of the class is far too fast, I have found school to be very demanding. Because I struggle with school so much, I have dedicated most of my academic life to doing better than my best.

All the worry in the world will not help me pass

Which subject am I least prepared for when it come to the ogt. It is hard to choose just one. However, I would have to say social studies. I've never been all that great at social studies, I do not remember the days or years of events, and it is not something that I find to be an easy task. So, I will do what I have been doing, of course. I will continue taking practice ogt test and studying notes I have taken. Besides that, I am not sure there is much else I can do. Mostly, I just have to get out of my head. I am never going to be prepared for any ogt if I keep doubting myself and thinking the worse will happen. Honestly, I believe I am overcoming this doubt that consumes me. With every practice test I try on my own, no grade no pressure, I feel more comfortable about the ogt. Also, these independent practices have helped me outside of studying for the ogt. They have helped me select the best answer based on context clues. I have come to see that , yes, most answers seem like they...